The Real Need is Self-Love!

September 21, 2021

The Real Need is Self-Love!

How far can one go in love?

How far can YOU go?

Do you really need to go that far?

What if you didn't go?

These are just few questions one can ask to gauge what love can be or how one perceives love to be. There are many twisted definitions of love. You can Google them and be lost - honestly. In reality, it is not as complicated as it seems to be.

When we know we love something, why does it have to take up so much effort to get to that something? Because we are either obsessing over it or do not believe that we can get that something so easily. In essence, it is easily translated to ‘The more you love something is directly proportional to the amount of effort you need to invest’.

This is not the whole truth. The bare truth, if I may say so, is that we are all operating from a space of need. Now, how did this space create itself in the first place? It seeded from a place of not having enough.

So, it turns out something like this: Me not having enough of ‘that’ = I need it more.

And, have we ever stepped back to think, why don't we have enough, that which we need*? You might want to think now, before you gaze through the next line!

The underlying emotion to all things we need is scarcity. Simply put, why would you need more if you were satisfied or were wholesome with what you already have, right? That's your cue. We have such deep-seated scarcity in all of us, that we are on a constant chase to fill the void, that need to reach that never ending goalpost, that need to become someone, that need to match the standards set by oneself or by the family and so on.. It's an endless list. This is how we have been conditioned since generations and over births. In the general course of our human nature, we get to a certain manageable or achievable point of each one of these milestones, we either enjoy or brood the feeling momentarily, strive for more and we are already onto the next "best" thing and thus the chase continues. A tiny reminder that this isn't anything to do with being ambitious or measuring one's success or failure. No! We are always on the go and we tend to be ambitious or on the chase only because we need to get better than what we were or have, with respect to all areas of our waking lives. No judgements around that at all. But, does this simple emotion behind need arise from a place of scarcity or abundance in each of the situations we put ourselves in, will answer the above question*!

In this ‘corporate rat race’, ‘dog-eat-dog world’, some of you might frown upon and think, "How can I become complacent and let things pass by, like it doesn’t matter to me". "Of course, it matters, so I will act on it". "What about my desires?". "What about my dreams?". No one is asking you to become complacent or bow out of every opportunity that comes along. That's not the point. The point is, where are all these deep-seated thoughts arising from, which eventually becomes a decision. What is the fuel that drives these actions and why are you acting at all? Most of our decisions today are on auto-pilot driven from a deep sense of wanting and to understand why that wanting makes us feel miserable as well is what we can condition ourselves to learn.

All you have to do is become aware of your thoughts and hence the actions! As simple as an awareness of where this needing or wanting is springing from is enough for a major shift, within. We are not at all conditioned to become our best selves overnight - just after reading some good content or article on the internet or a motivational book or by having a couple of good conversations with a fellow wise human - we cannot become a 180 degree version of ourselves. What is really required is self-effort, to remain in this state of awareness even for those tiny seconds to minutes as it cruises the mind. It takes tons of self-effort, I repeat - tons of self-effort, to make that shift eventually and gradually. It also takes courage to step into your own shoes (for the first time ever in a better sense) and ask few important questions.

"Why do I need this so much?"

"Will I be happy if I achieve that?"

"Will that make me feel complete?" Etc..

The answer to all such questions will only improve over time when that shift from scarcity to abundance begins at a subconscious level. Now, how fancy is this term “abundance”, one might ponder. Or, how can one feel abundant when one knows that, "that something" is physically or emotionally not available at all? My counter question is, "Do you feel you do not have enough?". If the answer is yes, then "Why?"

You might as well use the 5-Why's of Six Sigma!

It will eventually boil down to a point, where clarity starts to make space in one's mind that it is the feeling of lack that makes one keep striving for more, always was and will remain such if we let it be.

Let's just take a small tour to each of our worlds and notice how much we already have, right at this very moment.

Pause your reading or whatever that you are doing now. Close your eyes. And take a deep breath and hop onto that tour. Make a list of what YOU HAVE. Don’t stress on it. Just notice. Acknowledge it. Express heartfelt gratitude. And the beauty of abundance will unfurl – or the first attempt towards it has already begun.

It can be that easy, but the most difficult point to get to as well. It is not impossible and it isn’t a paradox. Practice this each and every day until this becomes a new conditioning of the mind. We have a lot of muck to undo – that has been going on for generations together, through our families, through our bodies and hence our lives. And this has become a collective pattern, in itself!

There is only one place you can call home. And that is right within you - filled with unconditional love, exultant joy, heart-warming affection to no other but your own self. The wise always say, you cannot pour from an empty cup and that is so true. Fill yourself to the brim so much that you are just enough. And that is what abundance is all about and self-love is all about. It is not a big deal but a great deal at it!

Self-love is not about stomping everyone in the name of it or begin commandeering everyone around us. Neither is it about having an inflated sense of self. Haha, No! That would then become arrogance and ignorance stemming from survival mode. Let's not get there at all.

Here are some parting thoughts to this! Hope you will enjoy this!

Do a daily ritual of just sitting down quietly with yourself for few minutes in a day.

Observe your feelings.

Don't force a thought or act on it, even mentally.

Watch your current emotions.

Acknowledge it.

Journal.

Be grateful.

Set Intentions

Keep Doing.

Abundance will flow!

And everything you ever thought was impossible, will start to arrive!