An Equal Share Of Worth!
All these years, through the chronicles of my life and experiences, I had found that I truly enjoyed to write - express my thoughts, observations and views - based on a series of analysis, exchange of notes and vantage points. That's how I base my thoughts, more or less. And in doing so, what seems to flow easily for me also became my identity. I call this identity because it became my ego gradually and also the place from where I derived my self-worth. If not all, but to some extent, on a momentary basis.
And today, as I posted some content on Instagram stories, which I penned in a hurry and owing to some limitations with editing once you post, I did not get a chance to alter the content and it seemed like a rustic post at it. LOL. Hence, I checked back with a dear friend for feedback and learnt she felt the same as me, that it could have been better! And in those tiny moments of space, I watched myself on how I felt. The old self would have had a cringing feeling of something not gone right, atleast with a bit of offense. But, my new self, the one writing this, has a smile on the face. Because and only because I no longer derive my self worth from writing or my ability to narrate a story. Words are no longer my identity and hence is not a source which fills me up. And since I do not operate from that space anymore, I have an overwhelming joy that binds me from a place I do not know! Paradoxical!? Life indeed is! :D
Self-worth has been an hidden agenda for all of us since time immemorial - in order to be seen as a person for who we are, at least who we think we are. And to that end, we go about establishing ourselves doing, being and seeming a certain way. And for some or most of us our self-worth arrives in the form of our family status, wealth, jobs we do, relationships we have, talents we demonstrate, places we have seen, things we have done, and a number of other checkboxes we check to feel accomplished in our lives and we are in an endless quest to fulfill that, in order to feel "full". But, let's sit back and ask ourselves, do we ever feel "full"? We have so many encounters and experiences that our to-do is a never ending list. Nobody dictates that one cannot have a to-do list in life. We all certainly have desires and activities from which we seek joy, happiness and fulfillment. The whole purpose of to-do's will fail when we are stuck in a constant loop to feel worthy (unknowingly, of course!) of the accolades that might follow, either from an external source or internal, after striking one thing and then the other off the ever growing list. That's when we can be sure that we are doing a certain thing or being a certain way because that makes us feel worthy enough. And thus, our self-worth inflates. And this is nothing but our ego in the hiding, which gets habituated with this momentary feeling of awe that it will continue to send us through trips of to-do's for life and we are in a constant hunt for happiness and pleasure - because that it is the desired output of the whole activity. Isn't!?
What we overlook is, chasing happiness will not get us too far. Somewhere down the lane, we will remain stuck with so many questions, confusions, what next's(?), that the escape would then be to choose to do something that will amplify our self-worth. Pause and give it a thought, right at this very moment. Isn't it a momentary feeling - the whole identification with something external for so long it exists? What do you think?
True happiness finds us when we break out of this shell of seeking ourselves outside of ourselves, despite what we choose to do or not do. Not matter what you do for/in life, where you are in your timelines, there is no measure of success of failure unless you believe so. You are just worthy enough. That's it! That is where it all stops. Nothing can define you in a true sense, try it for as long as you want. These definitions will keep changing based on the circumstances we see ourselves in, because we are constantly evolving. The next obvious question is does that make you happy or more confused despite doing so many many things? If the latter is true, we might be hopping from one thing to another in order to feel worthy. The constant chase! In essence, we are just as worthy as we think we are! And that is true as you read this now or read this 50 years down the lane. The truth is and will remain the same.
For those of you who didn't get the context of my deleted story on Instagram, I was trying to emphasize on equality amongst us in an advanced age like ours. We are in an era where men and women have arrived at careers with pay grades which is gender neutral - atleast in the corporate and public sectors. But, do we have the same reality on the ground with peers? That seems far from reality. Women still have to make their voices heard, express and prove on how they can indeed juggle between work and personal commitments. There are doubts expressed and we do not seem to have an atmosphere that seems welcome without prejudice. We have organizations announcing on rooftops about how friendly they are for returning mothers. But are they, as people? When women have chosen careers along with parenthood that in itself is a winner, but it takes a backseat when the fear of losing credibility sets in. To prove a point and establish an image, one will be put through a stress-test, to check the resiliency and worthiness of women with commitments! Or one might take on an unprecedented challenge with the fear of being judged less worthy or unable to meet the standards set. I do not think returning fathers have those kinds of challenges presented to them! Why? Because they are not the immediate care-takers of a new-born for a good number of successive years. And this being the natural way of things, women will continue to be child-bearers, nature is not going to turn itself upside down. This is the reality that stares at us and we can only change what is in our control. That is, our attitudes towards accommodating women folks in the workplace, as just another natural resource. Things are certainly changing but we still have a long way to go. It doesn't seem to come easy, even during the present technologically advanced times.
It's not an easy time to be existing. Well, perhaps, history might say the same as well. haha.
Nevertheless, with an increased rigor to be identified as an equal also comes the responsibility to not blur the line. We are still under transition to arrive at a place where nothing gets divided amongst people based on one's gender identity. We cannot expect to meet accommodating and understanding male counterparts/boss at every corner, we may or may not meet them. On those lines, in my honest opinion, we can achieve that only by getting comfortable in our own skin. Women, at their individual capacities, need not cave in to mounting pressures created by standards set for decades. It's imperative to set right expectations that cannot be breached, by expressing discomfort when pushed too far, by standing ground as a woman with commitments. This is not to prove how worthy women are, but to demonstrate that commitment towards parenthood (or anything personal) is non-negotiable. This has to become an eternal acceptance of women as part of workforce or choosing to have a career. Being true and acknowledging the realties around us will go a long way in changing the perceptions of folks who view women (who are also mothers) as a liability. There is nothing to prove, unless we fall into the trap of deriving self-worth from the work we do!
I am not resorting to male bashing here, although evolving, we do have these attitudes hidden somewhere underneath. That said, I have had the opportunity to witness several men in my own life who have been thorough gentlemen, who share work with women folk around them. That is a pleasing change that has set in. We need these in plenty in the world over. And this has to only grow if we were to ever arrive towards absolute equality in terms of opportunities, growth and acceptance of who we are. What might seem true in an urban setting may not be (or definitely) not true in a rural setting. We have a turn of century to change a whole lot of things. And people like us, who are educated enough to call the shots, will have to make conscious choices persistently for as long as we shall live, for our children to take it forward. Not classifying any job/chore as gender specific will definitely be a game-changer and a perfect way of living for our children and theirs. No work is above or below anyone. It's just a sub-conscious state of identifying oneself to feel worthy (more or less).
Taking a cue from here, nobody is less worthy just because he/she doesn't get chosen for a certain qualifier (again - job, status, relationship etc.) set forth by the society. Or nobody is more worthy just because he/she gets chosen or picked for something or by someone. It's all a petty state of mind. I could not be picked but still feel worthy of who I am or I could be picked and accept that as an opportunity to explore what lies ahead - this has nothing to do with who I am. That doesn't define who I am.
That my friend, is all about self-worth. And this is the basis on which we have so much divide, comparison, competition and jealousy brewing in the world. It all boils down to how we feel about ourselves - in our own eyes! Nobody can make you feel good or bad unless you choose to allow them to. And that is what lies in our control.
You could be anyone, anywhere, doing anything today - let me remind you, that isn't a measure of who you are.
You are nothing but a beautiful chaos, enjoy your way through life, exploring the journey that unfolds without judging yourself, or putting yourself above or beneath a pedestal. Because, no matter what - You are worthy! Period!
Comments
Much needed thought, well said!!