The Conflict Of God!

*Disclaimer* The opinions expressed are my own and has no bearing to anyone in particular except my immediate family and dear ones. If you find anything offensive please refrain from reading and get onto something that interests you. THANK YOU!

Do you remember "The Mahabharath" on DD channel as a kid?

Perhaps, we were all too small during late 80s to even understand what was happening. But, you grew up believing you have watched the Mahabharath. And like life would have it, it was back on TV somewhere during 1994/95, if my memory serves me right. And, this time the excitement to watch it was overwhelming since we were "growing up" and we believed we understood everything and what more, we were taught Hindi at school. So, it HAD to be this time. Although, the philosophy and moral was lost from the tender minds, the gist of the story stayed.

And now, it is back on TV in one of the channels and I try to catch up on it every morning (well, almost). Today, as the opening song started, my mother's attention from the kitchen tuned to what was on TV and she came out kneading the dough and sat down like a kid to watch it while her hands were at work. That's exactly how we used to be back then. Another instance of how your parents are slowly becoming kids as days progress!

Anyway, the whole purpose of bringing this topic to the fore was to rekindle the most sensitive topic of God, religion, mythology and subsidiary beliefs.

We all grew up in the comforts of our home believing 'who we are', learnt the rituals and customs bestowed upon us through generations irrespective of the religion we belong to. But, have you ever wondered how easily we have come to accept all this without even dwelling too much on the purpose of us doing so? Some of us may have, some of us may not have. If you have, then there would be atleast one instance where you questioned who God was, I am sure you have.

I grew up in a locality and a household which held no discrimination to any religion, God or any practises. My brother's dear friend from kindergarten through primary school was not from the religion we belong to. Our immediate neighbour was not the same. My mother's best friend also did not belong to the same one. My dad's colleagues and friends belonged to every other religion. My first class teacher was not from a religion I belong to. And to be candid, I didn't know what religion, caste or creed were for a good number of years in school, like you should probably 'know'. I just knew there were different religions. I didn't know the basis of a religion. Because I believed that each one of us I knew is same since that was the attitude that was imparted to us by our parents, and thought everyone also thinks like me. Alas, that wasn't the case. It took me a good number of growing years (probably a little later than my fellow mates) to really understand what is diversity and why there are different Gods and what this emotion is all about!

I wasn't in a space to find answers because I never had questions in the first place. A question stems when there is confusion, chaos or conflict. I grew up peacefully with my own belief system.

And, then I entered the inevitable zone, where I was being tested for who I am. Yes, the marriage scene in India is pretty ugly when everyone has an opinion of you and suggestion for you. And like all middle class parents even mine wanted the best for their daughter and considered the poojas I was supposed to do and visit the various temples for the benefits. I was on auto-pilot mode for quite a while and like the docile daughter would not question much and accompanied to pay visits to God. During all this, no one including me wanted to know if I really want to be married. LOL.

My conflicts had begun to spring when the "boon" was not upon me, despite running around the mill. I was now being checked for doshas (malefic effect of some planets on me) to nullify them. It didn't take too long to know there were no doshas in the first place let alone take them off the radar. But the damage was done and there I was in a web of thoughts about what all this means to a human being in the first place. Wasn't being a person with good deeds enough to be qualified for good benefits?

The first thing you ever did as a child before starting any event was to pray to God! He was the Supreme Giver of everything you asked for. Or so we were taught passed from generations to generations. And, I am certain that as kids, we have played along to test its authenticity at times. LOL. And then there was the fear not to mess with God!

As my conflicts arose, I stopped praying to God. It didn't make sense. I wanted to understand the basis before I did anything - lighting lamps, going to temples, going around trees, forbidding few items from consumption for few days (as prescribed) stopped making sense to me.
Who invented all these? Who defined all these rules? Who discovered all these as solutions to problems? No matter what kind of a human being you were and what kind of deeds you embodied, there were solutions to your highest desires despite their nature! LOL. I had my last laugh after a while!

My mind was working overtime to understand these conundrums which were upon us for generations. I began to wonder how Gods were geographically contained, based on the religion and its origin. I began questioning my family about all this and of course they didn't have an answer but mused over where I was coming from. There had to be a reason why they are defined by certain geographies and the stories rather mythology has reference to those places only! If God is omnipotent, he had to be all over the world with the same name which would eventually lead to same religion and hence no conflicts in the name of religion. Why was He so diverse?

I read. I read a lot of books to understand the paradox, although I wasn't too inclined to get to the basis of any religion. I still am not. I just wanted to know who God was if there was one. If yes, how did He persist in our lives from time immemorial. Who was HE?

While on this quest, I began to realize that God - the appearance we have given him, the looks, the stories, the fear surrounding HIM, is all a creation of our mind since generations and eons. We seem to have brought upon us few concepts to keep certain things in check - within ourselves, in the family, in the community, in the society, in the country - like boundaries between countries (man-made).

But, I was also perplexed with a lot of other things that are not in our absolute control. So, there was a parallel conquest to understand that as well. And finally, I made peace with myself. I began to realize that there is definitely something so strong that is beyond imagination, beyond comprehension, some kind of a Supreme energy which certainly guides us, something which is inexplicable - like the wonders of Mother Nature - although scientifically proven, it can only be deciphered by working backwards. There is some energy within all of us which makes us want something, work towards achieving it and feel successful or failed based on the outcome. The outcome itself is directly proportional to the intensity of the desire. When there is a burning desire for something, that is when the universe conspires in its most mysterious ways to bring them to reality. And, this is true. And when the actual intent is all skewed with no clarity, no matter which temple, mosque, church or gurudwara you visit, the result is going to be the same. It really matters what your heart wants.

That is all there is to it. I feel pity to the ones who hold these beliefs too strong to their hearts and kill each other in the name of God. I am sure if God is as we have imagined - with emotions and feelings, grudge and desire, this is definitely not what he would want his followers to do.

At times, listening your own gut will do, because God resides in each one of us, just as we learnt as children while growing up! Or you can call it intuition which steers your life! Call it the way you want. It's just an internal energy which needs to be channeled for greater good!

Life is simple, ain't it?

And today, when I visit all of these holy places without too much expectations on the mind, the divinity catches off guard. It is serene in all of the Abode you visit. The energy is the same. It is all soothing. There is no religion to the feeling of calm. It is all a state of mind. And for me to get things rolling and to settle down, I have to feel it from within and somebody else cannot want something for me which I do not want at that point in time. When I want, I will get through it. And my family has definitely made peace with the facts and I am glad to have them as mine. :)

Let peace prevail! Spread love, joy and embrace the differences.
Love to all your hearts! :)

P.S.: For all the people who are so touchy about religion these days, I can only say they are wasting their precious time spreading hatred because all it takes is love to be peaceful and when that is missing, no matter how strong your agenda is, it is bound to fail!



A Disease Called Society! - My blogpost from 2012. Read on if you have time. Thank you!